Daycare Friendship Development Guide 2026: Helping Children Make Friends

Making friends is one of the most important—and sometimes challenging—aspects of daycare. For many children, daycare provides their first opportunity to form friendships outside the family. Understanding how friendship develops and what quality programs do to support it helps you guide your child through this important social milestone.

This guide covers everything about friendship development at daycare in 2026: how friendships form by age, what quality programs do, supporting social skills, when to be concerned, and helping your child make connections.

Table of Contents

• How Friendships Develop
• Friendship by Age
• What Quality Programs Do
• Supporting Friendship at Home
• Common Challenges
• When to Be Concerned
• Questions to Ask

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How Friendships Develop

The progression.

Early "Friendships"

Not adult friendship:

• Based on proximity
• Who's available
• Shared interests now
• Can change quickly
• Less about personality
• More about activity

Stages of Play

Progression: | Stage | Age | Description | |-------|-----|-------------| | Solitary | 0-2 | Playing alone | | Parallel | 2-3 | Playing near, not with | | Associative | 3-4 | Playing together, loosely | | Cooperative | 4-5+ | True collaborative play |

What Friendship Means to Children

By age:

• Toddlers: "My friend is here"
• 3-year-olds: "We play together"
• 4-year-olds: "She likes what I like"
• 5-year-olds: Beginning deeper connection

The Role of Play

Play builds friendship through:

• Shared experiences
• Negotiating together
• Problem-solving
• Having fun
• Building trust
• Creating memories

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Friendship by Age

Developmental expectations.

Infants (0-12 months)

Social development:

• Interested in other babies
• May reach toward peers
• Smile at others
• Watch other children
• Not "friendship" yet
• Building foundations

Toddlers (1-3 years)

What to expect:

• Parallel play dominates
• May have preferred peers
• Play near, not with
• Difficulty sharing
• Conflicts common
• Short interactions

Normal behaviors:

• Taking toys
• Not sharing well
• Brief interactions
• Preference for certain children
• Possessiveness

Preschoolers (3-4 years)

Developing skills:

• Emerging cooperative play
• Naming friends
• Requesting specific peers
• Longer play episodes
• Beginning negotiation
• Shared pretend play

Typical friendships:

• Based on play preferences
• Can change daily
• Still somewhat superficial
• Learning to be a friend
• Beginning loyalty

Pre-K (4-5 years)

More complex:

• True friendships emerging
• Sustained play together
• Missing friends when apart
• Deeper connections
• Gender groupings common
• Best friend concept

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What Quality Programs Do

Supporting social development.

Creating Community

Quality programs:

• Build classroom community
• Create belonging for all
• Foster inclusive culture
• Teach kindness explicitly
• Model positive relationships
• Celebrate friendships

Facilitating Connections

Teachers help by:

• Introducing children to each other
• Suggesting play partners
• Highlighting common interests
• Supporting struggling children
• Noticing who plays with whom
• Creating connection opportunities

Teaching Social Skills

Explicit instruction in:

• How to join play
• How to ask to share
• How to take turns
• How to handle conflicts
• How to be a good friend
• What to do when left out

Environment for Friendship

Space supports connection:

• Areas for small groups
• Cooperative materials
• Enough of popular items
• Cozy spaces for pairs
• Dramatic play for social play
• Games that require partners

Handling Exclusion

Quality programs:

• Don't allow "you can't play"
• Address exclusion immediately
• Teach inclusion
• Help excluded children
• Discuss kindness
• Model acceptance

Communication with Families

Teachers share:

• Who child plays with
• Friendship development
• Social skill progress
• Concerns that arise
• Suggestions for home

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Supporting Friendship at Home

What parents can do.

Arrange Playdates

Tips for success:

• Start with short playdates
• One friend at a time
• Structured activities help
• Supervise but don't hover
• End before problems
• Prepare your child

Talk About Friends

Conversations:

• Ask about their day
• Who did they play with?
• What did they do together?
• Any problems?
• Who do they like?
• Listen without judgment

Teach Social Skills

Practice at home:

• Taking turns
• Sharing toys
• Using words
• Handling disappointment
• Being kind
• Problem-solving

Read About Friendship

Books help with:

• Understanding friendship
• Seeing perspectives
• Learning skills
• Discussing scenarios
• Normalizing challenges
• Building vocabulary

Great books:

• "How to Be a Friend" by Laurie Krasny Brown
• "Enemy Pie" by Derek Munson
• "Stick and Stone" by Beth Ferry
• "The Invisible Boy" by Trudy Ludwig

Model Friendship

Children learn from watching:

• Your friendships
• How you treat others
• How you handle conflict
• How you include others
• Your kindness
• Your social skills

Don't Force It

Avoid:

• Pushing specific friendships
• Comparing to other children
• Expecting adult friendship
• Overwhelming with playdates
• Solving all problems for them

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Common Challenges

Navigating difficulties.

"No One Will Play with Me"

Understanding:

• May be temporary
• Could be misperception
• May need skill building
• Could indicate problem
• Worth investigating

Response:

• Listen without panic
• Ask daycare for perspective
• Observe if possible
• Work on skills
• Arrange playdates

Child Is Bossy

Normal development:

• Learning leadership
• Testing power
• Needs coaching
• Not manipulative
• Skill to develop

Help by:

• Teaching flexibility
• Practicing compromise
• Role-playing scenarios
• Reading books about it
• Praising when flexible

Difficulty Sharing

Age-appropriate:

• Toddlers struggle—normal
• Preschoolers learning
• Takes time
• Requires practice
• Develops gradually

Support:

• Don't force sharing
• Teach taking turns
• Use timers
• Praise when shares
• Be patient

Being Excluded

When child is left out:

• Acknowledge feelings
• Don't dismiss pain
• Problem-solve together
• Talk to daycare
• Work on skills
• Arrange alternatives

Excluding Others

When your child excludes:

• Address immediately
• Explain impact
• Teach inclusion
• Practice scenarios
• Read relevant books
• Monitor ongoing

Friend Drama

As children get older:

• Best friends change
• Conflicts happen
• Normal development
• Opportunity to learn
• Don't overreact
• Coach through it

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When to Be Concerned

Signs needing attention.

Normal vs. Concerning

Normal challenges:

• Occasional difficulty
• Some conflicts
• Not always having playmates
• Preferring adults sometimes
• Shy at first
• Some bumps in learning

May need attention:

• Consistent isolation
• No interest in peers
• Always alone
• Actively avoided by peers
• Aggressive patterns
• Extreme anxiety socially

When to Talk to Daycare

Discuss if:

• Child consistently reports problems
• You notice concerning patterns
• Child seems unhappy
• Significant change in behavior
• Child dreads going
• Ongoing exclusion

When to Seek Support

Consider professional help if:

• Persistent social struggles
• Extreme anxiety about peers
• No interest in other children
• Aggressive patterns continuing
• Developmental concerns
• Significant impact on child

Supporting Shy Children

Help by:

• Respecting temperament
• Not labeling as shy
• Small group opportunities
• Gradual exposure
• Building confidence
• Finding their people

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Questions to Ask

About Social Environment

1. "How do you support friendship development?"
2. "How do you handle exclusion?"
3. "What do you do when a child is left out?"
4. "How do you teach social skills?"
5. "How do you build classroom community?"

About Your Child

1. "Who does my child play with?"
2. "How are their social interactions?"
3. "Does my child have friends?"
4. "Any concerns about social development?"
5. "How can I support friendships?"

About Challenges

1. "What do you do when conflicts happen?"
2. "How do you handle a child who bosses others?"
3. "What if a child is always alone?"
4. "How do you help shy children?"
5. "What's your policy on exclusion?"

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Friendship Quality Checklist

Environment

• [ ] Areas for small group play
• [ ] Cooperative games/materials
• [ ] Dramatic play area
• [ ] Cozy spaces for pairs
• [ ] Enough popular materials
• [ ] Community feeling

Teacher Practices

• [ ] Facilitates connections
• [ ] Teaches social skills
• [ ] Addresses exclusion
• [ ] Models kindness
• [ ] Supports struggling children
• [ ] Communicates with families

Skills Taught

• [ ] How to join play
• [ ] How to share and take turns
• [ ] How to handle conflicts
• [ ] How to include others
• [ ] How to be a good friend
• [ ] Empathy development

Community Building

• [ ] All children welcomed
• [ ] Inclusive culture
• [ ] Kindness emphasized
• [ ] Differences celebrated
• [ ] Belonging fostered
• [ ] Positive relationships modeled

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Age-Appropriate Expectations

What's Realistic

Toddlers:

• Play near, not with
• Brief interactions
• Difficulty sharing
• Preference for certain kids
• Not true "friendship"

3-year-olds:

• Emerging play together
• Naming "friends"
• Still learning skills
• Conflicts common
• Friendships fluid

4-year-olds:

• More cooperative play
• Sustained interactions
• Beginning best friends
• More negotiating
• Still need support

5-year-olds:

• True friendships possible
• Missing friends
• Deeper connections
• More complex conflicts
• Gender groupings

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Resources

• Find Quality Daycare Near You
• Social-Emotional Development Guide
• Daycare Behavior & Biting Guide
• First-Time Parent Daycare Guide

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Last updated: December 2025