The Night Before
- Pack everything the night before—bag, extra clothes, comfort item, bottles/food if needed
- Set out clothes for easy morning dressing
- Aim for an early bedtime—a well-rested child handles transitions better
- Prep your own lunch and bag too—you'll want a smooth morning
- If your child is old enough, talk positively about what tomorrow will be like
Morning Of
Timeline for a 8:00 AM Drop-off
At Drop-Off
1. Check In
Sign in, put away your child's things in their cubby, and hand off any special items (bottles, medication forms) to the teacher.
2. Brief Transition
Help your child get started with an activity. Find something they can engage with—a toy, a book, or another child playing. This makes the handoff easier.
3. Confident Goodbye
Say goodbye warmly but briefly: "I love you! Have a great day. I'll be back after snack time." A quick hug, your special goodbye ritual, and then go.
4. Trust and Leave
Even if tears start, trust the teachers. Most children stop crying within 5-10 minutes of the parent leaving. Lingering makes it harder for everyone.
Never Sneak Away
Always say goodbye, even if your child is happily distracted. Sneaking out might avoid tears in the moment, but it breaks trust and creates more anxiety long-term.
What's Normal on Day One
Totally Normal
- • Crying at drop-off
- • Clinginess
- • Not eating much
- • Not napping well
- • Being extra tired at pickup
- • Being cranky that evening
- • Sleep disruption that night
- • Talking about daycare constantly—or not at all
Worth Checking On
- • Crying that continues all day long
- • Refusal to eat or drink anything
- • Signs of mistreatment
- • Unexplained injuries
- • Extreme fear/panic (not just tears)
- • Provider not communicating with you
At Pickup
- •Arrive on time (or early!) to minimize wait time on day one
- •Greet your child warmly but calmly—try not to make a huge emotional production
- •Ask the teacher how the day went—most will give you a brief rundown
- •Review any daily report (app or paper) for details on eating, sleeping, activities
- •Take everything home—check the cubby for artwork, dirty clothes, notes
That Evening
- Keep the evening calm and low-key—no big activities or errands
- Extra cuddles and connection time
- Ask open-ended questions: "What did you play with today?"
- Early bedtime—they may be exhausted from the stimulation
- Prep for tomorrow just like you did today
Be Gentle with Yourself Too
The first day is often harder on parents than kids. It's okay to feel sad, anxious, or guilty. Those feelings are normal. Your child is building resilience, and so are you. It gets easier.
The First Week: What to Expect Day by Day
The first day is just the beginning. Here's what the typical first week looks like and how to support your child through each phase:
Day 1: The Shock
Everything is new. Your child may cry at drop-off, refuse food, skip naps, or alternatively be surprisingly fine (sometimes the "honeymoon" effect). Both reactions are normal. They're absorbing a massive amount of new information.
Day 2-3: The Reality
Often harder than day one. The novelty has worn off but the routine hasn't set in yet. Your child now knows what's coming when you head toward daycare. Drop-offs may be more dramatic. Stay consistent—this is temporary.
Day 4-5: Emerging Routine
Some children start finding their footing. They may recognize a teacher, find a favorite toy, or connect with another child. Drop-offs might still have tears, but recovery is faster. Exhaustion may peak—expect crankier evenings.
Week 2-3: Building Comfort
Routine becomes familiar. Many children have significantly easier drop-offs by the end of week two. Eating and napping often improve. Your child may start talking about their teachers or friends.
Week 4+: The New Normal
By week four, most children have adjusted. They may still have occasional hard days (especially after weekends or illness), but the big emotional hurdle is past. Some children take 6-8 weeks—that's okay too.
Adjustments by Age: What's Different
The first day experience varies significantly by age. Understanding your child's developmental stage helps you set appropriate expectations:
Infants (6 weeks - 12 months)
- • May adapt more easily—less separation anxiety
- • Sleep and feeding schedules are the biggest adjustment
- • Bring items that smell like home (worn shirt of yours)
- • Share detailed information about their cues and preferences
- • Ask for photos/updates throughout the day
- • Expect some bottle refusal or feeding changes initially
Toddlers (12 - 24 months)
- • Peak separation anxiety age—expect the most tears
- • Can't yet understand that you'll return
- • May regress in sleep, eating, or potty training
- • Comfort objects are critical at this age
- • Keep drop-off routine very short and predictable
- • Adjustment may take 4-6 weeks
Two-Year-Olds
- • Strong will meets limited language = frustration
- • May refuse to participate initially
- • Can begin to understand "I'll pick you up after snack"
- • Benefit from social stories and picture books about daycare
- • May ask about daycare repeatedly at home
- • Peer interest starts—watch for a friend connection
Preschoolers (3-4 years)
- • Can understand explanations and anticipate routine
- • May verbalize fears or ask many questions
- • Often adjust faster—more resilient and curious
- • Can participate in preparation (pack bag together)
- • May show excitement mixed with nervousness
- • Talk about friends and activities more readily
Creating Your Goodbye Ritual
A consistent, brief goodbye ritual gives your child predictability and emotional closure. The ritual should be:
- Short: 30 seconds to 2 minutes max. Longer goodbyes increase anxiety.
- Consistent: Do the same thing every day. Predictability is comforting.
- Positive: Frame the day ahead positively, not what you're leaving behind.
- Final: Once you say goodbye, leave. Don't come back for "one more hug."
Sample Goodbye Rituals
- • The Secret Handshake: A special hand gesture only you two know
- • Kisses in the Pocket: Kiss their palm and "fold it up" to save for later
- • Window Wave: Wave from outside the classroom window
- • The Countdown: "High five, hug, kiss, see you later!"
- • The Song: A quick line from a special song
- • The Promise: "I'll be back after snack/nap/playground"
When Drop-Off Is Harder Than Expected
Sometimes the first day goes smoothly, but days 3, 4, or 5 are unexpectedly difficult. This is common and doesn't mean something is wrong. Here's how to handle hard mornings:
Do This
- • Stay calm—your anxiety is contagious
- • Acknowledge feelings: "I know you're sad. That's okay."
- • Keep the routine exactly the same
- • Let the teacher take over (they're experts at this)
- • Trust that crying stops shortly after you leave
- • Ask daycare to text you an update in 15 minutes
Avoid This
- • Lingering and prolonging the goodbye
- • Coming back after you've left
- • Looking upset or crying in front of your child
- • Bribing or negotiating ("If you stop crying...")
- • Threatening ("If you don't stop, I won't come back")
- • Letting your child see you watch from outside
Physical Adjustment Signs
The first few weeks bring not just emotional adjustment but physical changes too. Your child's body is adapting to new routines, new germs, and new stressors.
Expect These Physical Changes
- • More tired: Processing new experiences is exhausting. Earlier bedtimes help.
- • Appetite changes: May eat less at daycare initially, then more at home (or vice versa).
- • Sleep disruption: More night waking, earlier mornings, or nap resistance. Usually resolves in 2-3 weeks.
- • Getting sick: Expect 8-12 illnesses in the first year of group care. This builds immunity.
- • Potty regression: If potty trained, accidents may increase. Don't push it—this is normal.
- • Clinginess at home: Needing more contact, co-sleeping requests, or "babying" behavior. Provide extra comfort.
How to Get Information About the Day
Young children often can't or won't tell you about their day when asked directly. Here are better ways to learn what happened:
Questions That Actually Work
- • "What did you eat for snack?" (concrete, easy to remember)
- • "Did you play with the blocks or the trucks today?" (choices, not open-ended)
- • "Who did you sit next to at lunch?" (specific moment)
- • "What song did you sing today?" (many daycares sing daily)
- • "Did your teacher read you a story? What was it about?"
- • Wait until bathtime or bedtime—kids often open up then
Also read the daily report (app or paper) carefully. Ask the teacher directly at pickup: "Anything I should know?" Many parents find their child talks about daycare more the next morning or randomly days later.
Red Flags: When to Be Concerned
Most adjustment challenges are normal and temporary. However, some signs warrant a conversation with the daycare or your pediatrician:
- • Crying that continues all day, every day, after 2+ weeks
- • Complete refusal to eat or drink anything while at daycare
- • Extreme fear or panic (not just normal tears)
- • Nightmares, night terrors, or sleep refusal that worsens over time
- • Regression in development (loss of words, skills) lasting more than 2 weeks
- • Your child asking not to go using words like "scared" or "hurt"
- • Unexplained injuries or marks
- • Your gut feeling that something is wrong
Frequently Asked Questions
How long will my child cry at drop-off?
Most children who cry at drop-off stop within 5-15 minutes of the parent leaving. Teachers are skilled at redirecting and comforting. Ask your daycare to text you once your child has calmed down—this peace of mind helps. If crying continues for extended periods daily after 2-3 weeks, talk to the teachers about strategies or whether there's something specific causing distress.
Should I do a gradual transition or just start full days?
Both approaches work. Gradual transitions (starting with short visits, then half-days, then full days) can ease adjustment for sensitive children. However, some experts believe they prolong the hard part. Full immersion gets the difficult days over with faster. Ask your daycare what they recommend—some require gradual starts, others suggest diving in. Trust your knowledge of your child.
What if my child won't eat or nap at daycare?
Very common in the first week. New environments disrupt eating and sleeping for most children. Don't worry if they eat less—offer a good breakfast and dinner. For naps, share your home routine details with teachers (white noise, specific song, lovey). It usually takes 1-2 weeks for children to nap well. If they don't nap, expect an earlier bedtime and possibly a cranky afternoon.
My child was fine on day one but melted down on day three. What happened?
This is textbook normal. Day one is often the "honeymoon period"—everything is new and exciting. By day 2-3, the novelty wears off but the routine hasn't set in. Your child now knows what's coming and may resist. This actually shows cognitive development—they're anticipating and remembering. Stay consistent. The hard part usually peaks around day 3-5 and then improves.
Should I call during the day to check in?
Most daycares allow check-in calls, though they may be brief if staff are busy with children. Calling once mid-morning on the first day is reasonable. If you're very anxious, ask the daycare to text you a photo or quick update. Resist the urge to call multiple times—it can increase your own anxiety. Trust that they'll call you if there's a real problem.
What if I cry at drop-off?
Try not to cry in front of your child—it can increase their anxiety. But if tears come, keep moving. Say a quick goodbye, leave, and then cry in the car or at work. Most parents feel emotional on the first day. It's a big milestone. Call a friend, text your partner, or give yourself a few minutes before starting work. The feeling usually eases significantly by day 3-4.
How do I know if my child is actually happy at daycare?
Look for these signs: They talk about friends, teachers, or activities. They're excited about show-and-tell or special days. They use phrases or songs from daycare at home. Their overall mood is good (even if drop-offs are still hard). Teachers report they're engaged during the day. They've formed attachments to caregivers. Some tears at goodbye are normal and don't mean they're unhappy—transitions are just hard.
What if my partner and I have different drop-off experiences?
Very common. Children often cry more for one parent (usually Mom, but not always). This doesn't mean they love one parent more—it means they feel safe expressing big emotions with that person. Having the "easier" parent do drop-offs can help, but don't completely avoid the harder parent—the child needs to learn drop-off is okay with both. Consistency from both parents helps.
My child's behavior has worsened at home. Is daycare causing this?
Temporary behavior changes are normal during adjustment. Children often "hold it together" at daycare and release emotions at home where they feel safe. You may see more tantrums, clinginess, defiance, or regression. This usually peaks in weeks 1-3 and then improves. Provide extra comfort and patience. If severe behavior continues beyond 4-6 weeks, consult your pediatrician.
Should I stay home from work if my child is struggling?
Inconsistency actually prolongs adjustment. Going a few days, then staying home, then going again makes it harder for your child to settle into a routine. The best approach is usually to commit to going every scheduled day for the first 2-3 weeks (unless your child is sick). Missing days in the middle of adjustment restarts the process. You can always switch daycares if it truly isn't working after a fair trial.
The Bottom Line
The first day of daycare is a significant transition for your whole family. Some tears—yours and your child's—are normal and expected. What matters is your confidence, consistency, and trust in the process.
Most children adjust within 2-4 weeks. During that time, keep mornings calm, drop-offs brief, and evenings gentle. Expect some sleep disruption, appetite changes, and clinginess. These are signs of adjustment, not damage.
Build a consistent goodbye ritual. Trust the teachers. Don't linger. And know that the hardest day is often day 3 or 4, not day 1. It gets better.
Your child is building independence, resilience, and social skills that will serve them their whole life. You're giving them a gift, even when it doesn't feel that way. Take a deep breath. You've got this.