Remember: It's completely normal for both you and your child to feel anxious about this change. Give yourselves grace—adjustment takes time, typically 2-4 weeks for most children.
Weeks Before: Building the Foundation
Visit the Daycare Together
Arrange 2-3 visits before the start date. Let your child explore the space, meet caregivers, and see other children playing. This familiarity reduces first-day anxiety significantly.
Adjust Sleep Schedules
Two weeks before, start shifting wake-up and nap times to match daycare schedules. Gradual 15-minute adjustments are easier than sudden changes.
Read Books About Daycare
Children's books about starting daycare help normalize the experience. Favorites include "Llama Llama Misses Mama," "The Kissing Hand," and "Maisy Goes to Nursery School."
Practice Separations
Start with short separations—leave your child with a trusted family member or friend for increasing periods. This builds confidence that you always come back.
Age-Specific Preparation Tips
Infants (0-12 months)
- • Share your baby's schedule, feeding preferences, and comfort techniques with caregivers
- • Bring familiar items: a lovey, blanket, or item with your scent
- • Infants adapt surprisingly well—they bond with consistent caregivers quickly
- • The hardest part is often on the parent, not the baby
Toddlers (1-3 years)
- • Play "daycare" at home—practice routines like circle time or playing with others
- • Let them choose a comfort item to bring
- • Create a simple goodbye ritual (special handshake, three kisses, etc.)
- • Expect regression in some skills (sleep, potty training)—it's temporary
Preschoolers (3-5 years)
- • Talk about what to expect in concrete terms they understand
- • Practice skills like using the bathroom independently and washing hands
- • Encourage them to express feelings about the change
- • Focus on the exciting parts: new friends, toys, activities
The First Day
Do
- • Arrive well-rested (early bedtime the night before)
- • Keep morning calm and positive
- • Have a quick, confident goodbye
- • Tell them when you'll be back in terms they understand
- • Trust the caregivers to comfort your child
Don't
- • Sneak away—always say goodbye
- • Prolong the goodbye or keep coming back
- • Show your own anxiety (kids pick up on it)
- • Make promises you can't keep
- • Force them to hug or kiss goodbye
The First Weeks
Adjustment typically takes 2-4 weeks. Here's what to expect and how to support your child:
Week 1: The Honeymoon or Hard Start
Some children do great initially (honeymoon), while others protest loudly. Both are normal. Crying at drop-off doesn't mean they cry all day—most stop within 10 minutes.
Week 2: Reality Sets In
Children who started smoothly may now resist as they realize this is the new routine. Stay consistent with your positive goodbye ritual.
Weeks 3-4: Finding Rhythm
Most children start to settle in. They may still have hard days, but overall the transition is happening. Celebrate small wins.
It Gets Easier
Those first weeks are often harder on parents than children. Trust that your child is building resilience, social skills, and new relationships. Before long, they'll be excited to see their friends and teachers each morning.
Signs Your Child Has Adjusted
- ✓Talks about daycare friends or activities at home
- ✓Drop-offs become easier (even if not perfect)
- ✓Excited about going some mornings
- ✓Shows comfort with caregivers
- ✓Returns to normal eating and sleeping patterns at home
What to Tell Your Child About Daycare
How you frame daycare matters. Children pick up on your tone and attitude. Here's how to talk about it positively without overpromising:
Be Honest and Simple
"Mommy and Daddy go to work, and you get to go to a place with toys and new friends." Don't oversell it as the most amazing place ever—set realistic expectations. Children appreciate honesty and can sense when you're being genuine.
Acknowledge Their Feelings
"It's okay to feel nervous about something new. I felt nervous on my first day at work too." Validating emotions helps children process them. Avoid dismissing fears with "don't be silly" or "there's nothing to worry about."
Explain the Reunion
Young children don't understand time well. Instead of "I'll pick you up at 5:00," try "I'll pick you up after nap time and snack." Giving them a concrete understanding of when you'll return reduces anxiety significantly.
Create Anticipation
Talk about specific things they might enjoy: "I heard they have a sandbox outside!" or "You get to eat lunch with other kids!" Focus on concrete, exciting details rather than abstract promises about how much fun it will be.
Practical Skills to Practice Before Starting
Helping your child master these skills before daycare reduces stress for everyone and helps them feel competent in their new environment.
Self-Care Basics
- • Washing and drying hands
- • Using the bathroom (age-appropriate)
- • Putting on and taking off shoes
- • Feeding themselves with utensils
- • Putting on their own jacket
Social Skills
- • Sharing toys (at a basic level)
- • Using words instead of hitting
- • Following simple directions
- • Waiting for a turn
- • Saying their name when asked
Creating Connection Objects
Transitional objects help children feel connected to home while at daycare. Here are effective strategies:
Family Photo
A small photo of your family in their cubby can be comforting. Laminate it so it survives daily handling. Some children like to look at it during hard moments; others barely notice it's there. Either way, it's a tangible connection to home.
Scent Transfer
Sleep with a small lovey or blanket before giving it to your child. Your scent is deeply comforting to young children. This works especially well for infants and young toddlers who rely heavily on smell for comfort.
The Invisible Kiss
Draw a heart or kiss on your child's hand each morning that they can "press" when they miss you. This gives them an action to take when feeling sad, which provides a sense of control. Refresh it with a marker that won't wash off easily.
Special Token
A small object they can keep in their pocket (a smooth stone, a tiny toy) can be touched when they feel sad. Teach them it has "love in it" from you. Keep it small and safe—nothing they could choke on or would be devastating to lose.
Managing Your Own Emotions
Children are incredibly perceptive. If you're anxious, they'll sense it. Here's how to manage your feelings while supporting theirs:
Process Your Feelings Separately
It's completely normal to feel sad, guilty, or anxious about leaving your child. Talk to your partner, friends, or a therapist about these feelings—not in front of your child. Processing emotions privately helps you present calm confidence at drop-off.
Trust the Caregivers
You chose this daycare for good reasons. Trust that the staff knows how to comfort upset children—they do this every day. Hovering or coming back multiple times undermines both your child's confidence and the caregiver's ability to help.
Reframe Guilt
You're not abandoning your child—you're giving them opportunities for socialization, new experiences, and relationships. Quality childcare supports child development. Many studies show children in good daycare programs thrive academically and socially.
When Adjustment Takes Longer
While most children adjust within 2-4 weeks, some need more time. Here's when to be concerned and what to do:
Signs That May Warrant Concern
- • Crying that doesn't stop within 10-15 minutes after you leave
- • Refusing to eat or drink at daycare after several weeks
- • Significant sleep regression that doesn't improve
- • Physical symptoms (stomachaches, headaches) every daycare day
- • Complete personality change that persists at home
- • Not improving at all after 4-6 weeks
What to Do
Talk to the teachers about what they observe during the day. Are there specific triggers? Does your child have a preferred caregiver? Sometimes small adjustments (different drop-off times, a particular routine) make a big difference. If concerns persist, consult your pediatrician.
Reconnecting After Daycare
How you spend time together after pickup matters for adjustment. Children need to reconnect after being separated all day.
The "Reunion" Moment
Greet your child enthusiastically—get down to their level, make eye contact, and show genuine happiness to see them. This moment matters. Avoid immediately asking "how was your day?" Young children often can't answer this question well and it creates pressure.
Special Time
After daycare, spend 10-15 minutes of focused, child-led play. No phone, no multitasking—just connection. This refills their emotional tank and reassures them that your relationship is unchanged by the separation.
Low-Pressure Conversation
Instead of "What did you do today?" try specific, playful questions: "Did you play in the sandbox?" "What color was your snack?" "Did you see anything funny?" Young children share more when questions are concrete and open-ended.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if my child cries every single day at drop-off?
Many children cry at drop-off even after they've adjusted. The transition moment is hard—but check with teachers about how quickly crying stops after you leave. If your child calms within minutes and has a good day, drop-off tears don't necessarily indicate a problem. Consistency in your goodbye routine helps reduce this over time.
Should I start daycare full-time or ease in with part-time?
Some centers offer transition weeks where you start with half-days and build up. This can be helpful, but prolonged transitions can also delay adjustment. Full-time from the start helps children learn the routine faster. If your schedule allows flexibility, a week of shorter days transitioning to full-time often works well.
My child won't nap at daycare. What can I do?
Nap struggles are common during transition. Share your home nap routine with caregivers so they can replicate elements. Send familiar bedding or a lovey. Some children take weeks to nap at daycare. In the meantime, expect a tired, possibly cranky child at pickup. Earlier bedtimes at home can help compensate.
How do I handle my child begging not to go?
Acknowledge their feelings without negotiating: "I hear that you don't want to go. It's hard sometimes. Mommy/Daddy has to work, and you get to see your friends. I'll pick you up after snack time." Keep moving forward with the routine. Wavering or offering exceptions makes future mornings harder.
Is it normal for my child to regress in potty training?
Yes, very normal. Stress and new environments often cause temporary regression. Don't shame or punish—continue encouraging with patience. Talk to teachers about their potty schedule so you can maintain consistency. Most children return to their prior skill level within a few weeks of adjustment.
What if my child says they don't like a teacher?
First, explore what they mean. Young children often say "don't like" about things that are actually okay—maybe the teacher enforced a rule they didn't like. Observe interactions at drop-off and pickup. If you have genuine concerns about how a teacher treats children, address it with the director.
How can I stay connected during the day?
Many daycares use apps (Brightwheel, HiMama) that send photos and updates throughout the day. Resist the urge to check constantly—once or twice a day is healthy. Some parents find frequent updates reassuring; others find them anxiety-provoking. Do what works for you.
Should I tell my child about daycare far in advance?
For toddlers, about a week is enough—they don't have a strong sense of future time. Preschoolers can handle 2-3 weeks notice. Too much advance notice can create prolonged anxiety. Too little doesn't give time for visits and preparation. Adjust based on your child's temperament.
What if my child gets sick constantly in the first months?
This is unfortunately normal. Children in group care get 8-12 colds per year on average during their first year of exposure. It's building their immune system. Have backup care plans ready. The bright side: children who attend daycare early often get sick less frequently when they enter elementary school.
How do I know if this is the right daycare for my child?
Give it time—adjustment struggles don't necessarily mean it's the wrong fit. After 4-6 weeks, assess: Does your child show signs of adjustment? Do caregivers seem to know and like your child? Do you feel comfortable communicating concerns? Trust your instincts, but distinguish between normal transition challenges and genuine poor fit.
The Bottom Line
Preparing your child for daycare is about building confidence, creating routines, and managing the emotional journey for both of you. Remember:
- •Adjustment takes time—typically 2-4 weeks for most children
- •Your calm confidence at drop-off matters more than any preparation
- •Consistent routines and goodbye rituals provide security
- •Some regression is normal—it's temporary
- •Quality reconnection time after pickup helps maintain attachment
This transition is a milestone—for your child and for you. With thoughtful preparation and patience, your child will learn that new experiences are manageable, that you always come back, and that they're capable of thriving in new environments. Those are lessons that serve them well throughout life.