Daycare Biting: Why It Happens and How to Handle It

Few daycare experiences are more upsetting than the call that your child has been bitten—or has bitten another child. Yet biting is extraordinarily common in childcare settings, occurring in nearly every toddler classroom. Understanding why it happens and how to respond makes this challenging phase more manageable.

The Reality of Daycare Biting

First, some perspective: biting is a normal, albeit unpleasant, phase of toddler development.

How Common Is It?

| Fact | Reality | |------|---------| | Prevalence | Nearly all toddler classrooms experience biting | | Peak age | 13-24 months | | Gender | Boys and girls bite equally | | Duration | Most children stop by age 3 | | Repeat behavior | Same child often bites multiple times before stopping |

Why Biting Is Different at Daycare

Daycare environments can increase biting incidents:

• Close proximity: Many children in shared space
• Competition: Limited toys, teacher attention
• Transitions: High-stress times (arrival, before nap)
• Communication gaps: Children who can't express needs
• Teething discomfort: Lots of children teething simultaneously
• Excitement overflow: Positive emotions can trigger biting too

Why Toddlers Bite

Understanding the cause is essential for prevention and response.

Developmental Reasons

| Reason | Age | What's Happening | |--------|-----|------------------| | Oral exploration | 6-12 months | Mouthing everything, including people | | Teething | 4-24 months | Mouth pain, urge to apply pressure | | Cause and effect | 12-18 months | "What happens when I do this?" | | Communication | 12-24 months | Can't express needs/feelings verbally | | Overwhelm | 12-36 months | Sensory or emotional overload | | Frustration | 18-36 months | Wants something, can't get it | | Imitation | 18-36 months | Saw another child bite, trying it out |

Situational Triggers

| Trigger | Example | |---------|---------| | Crowding | Too many children in small space | | Transitions | Moving from play to lunch, etc. | | Waiting | Standing in line, waiting for turn | | Tiredness | Before nap, late afternoon | | Hunger | Before meals and snacks | | Excitement | Happy overwhelming feelings | | Defending | Protecting toy, space, or self | | Affection | Kissing that escalates to biting |

Sensory and Physical Needs

Some children bite due to sensory-seeking behavior:

• Need for oral input (chewing, mouthing)
• Under-stimulated or over-stimulated
• Difficulty processing sensory information
• Seeking deep pressure input

What Daycare Should Do

Quality programs have comprehensive biting prevention and response protocols.

Prevention Strategies

Environmental:

• Adequate space per child
• Duplicate popular toys
• Clear zones for different activities
• Cozy spaces for overwhelmed children
• Appropriate materials for mouthing/chewing

Scheduling:

• Consistent daily routine
• Smooth transitions with warnings
• Short wait times
• Meals and naps on time
• Extra staffing during high-risk times

Teacher Practices:

• Close supervision, especially 12-24 month olds
• Shadow children with biting history
• Teach words for feelings and needs
• Model gentle touch
• Intervene before biting occurs when possible

Immediate Response Protocol

When biting happens, quality programs should:

First 30 Seconds:

1. Quickly and calmly separate children
2. Comfort the bitten child first
3. Check for broken skin
4. Stay calm—no yelling or dramatic reaction

With the Biter:

1. Get to child's level
2. Brief, firm words: "No biting. Biting hurts."
3. Help check on bitten child: "Let's see if they're okay"
4. Redirect to appropriate activity
5. Avoid extensive attention to negative behavior

Medical Response:

1. Wash bite wound with soap and water
2. Apply cold compress for swelling
3. Complete incident report
4. Notify parents of both children
5. Monitor for infection if skin broken

Documentation and Communication

| What | Details | |------|---------| | Incident report | Time, location, what happened, response | | Parent notification | Both families, same day | | Confidentiality | Names of other children not shared | | Pattern tracking | Look for triggers, times, circumstances | | Follow-up | Check in with families, adjust strategies |

When Daycare's Response Is Inadequate

Red Flags:

• No incident report provided
• Punishment (time-out, yelling, shaming)
• Blaming the child
• No prevention strategies in place
• Inadequate supervision
• Frequent unexplained marks on children

When Your Child Is Bitten

Receiving the call that your child was bitten is upsetting. Here's how to handle it.

Immediate Steps

1. Stay calm: Your reaction affects your child
2. Get the facts: Ask what happened, response, treatment given
3. Check the wound: Look for broken skin, swelling
4. Comfort your child: Without making it a big deal
5. Watch for infection: Redness, swelling, pus over coming days

Medical Attention

Seek medical care if:

• Skin is broken and bleeding significantly
• Bite is on face, hand, or near joints
• Signs of infection develop
• Bite was from a child with known illness
• Tetanus shot isn't up to date

Communication with Daycare

Questions to Ask:

• What happened leading up to the bite?
• Who was supervising?
• What prevention strategies are in place?
• Has this happened before (to any child)?
• What's the plan going forward?

What NOT to Demand:

• Name of the biter (confidentiality protected)
• That biting child be expelled (counterproductive)
• That your child be isolated (not fair to your child)

Talking to Your Child

| Age | Approach | |-----|----------| | Under 18 months | Comfort, no explanation needed | | 18-24 months | Simple words: "Ouch, that hurt. You're okay now." | | 24-36 months | "Another child bit you. That wasn't nice. You're safe." | | 3+ years | Brief discussion, reassurance, empowerment |

When Your Child Is the Biter

Perhaps even more distressing is learning your child has bitten someone else.

Initial Reaction Matters

Don't:

• Panic or catastrophize
• Punish harshly at home (too far removed from incident)
• Shame your child
• Bite them back (this doesn't work and teaches violence)
• Assume something is "wrong" with your child

Do:

• Take a breath—this is normal
• Ask daycare for details and their observations
• Partner with teachers on prevention
• Remain calm and matter-of-fact
• Address underlying causes

Working with Daycare

Information to Share:

• Recent changes at home (new baby, move, stress)
• Sleep and eating patterns
• What works at home for behavior
• Any developmental concerns

Questions to Ask:

• What triggers have you noticed?
• What times of day does it happen?
• What prevention strategies are you using?
• How can we be consistent between home and school?

Strategies at Home

Build Communication Skills:

• Teach feeling words: happy, sad, mad, frustrated
• Practice using words: "Say 'my turn' instead of grabbing"
• Read books about feelings
• Role-play with dolls/stuffed animals

Provide Oral Input:

• Teething toys, chewy foods
• Straws for drinking
• Crunchy snacks
• Toothbrushing routines

Reduce Stress:

• Consistent routines
• Adequate sleep
• Calm environment
• Predictable schedules

Teach Alternatives:

• "Gentle touches only"
• "If you're frustrated, stomp your feet"
• "Teeth are for food, not for friends"
• Practice gentle touch with pets, siblings

If Biting Continues

| Duration | Response | |----------|----------| | 1-2 incidents | Normal, implement strategies | | 3-5 incidents | Intensify prevention, watch patterns | | Ongoing (weeks) | Consider behavior consultation | | After age 3 | May need additional evaluation |

Should You Switch Daycares?

This question comes up often—for both bitten children and biters.

When to Stay

• Daycare responds appropriately to incidents
• Prevention strategies are in place
• Communication is good
• Your child is generally happy
• Biting is occasional, not constant

When to Consider Leaving

• Inadequate supervision or response
• Your child is frequently targeted
• No improvement despite strategies
• Your child fears going to daycare
• Daycare doesn't take the problem seriously

Important Considerations

For bitten children:

• Biting happens everywhere with toddlers
• A new daycare may have the same issue
• Switching disrupts your child's routine
• Address the care quality, not the biting specifically

For biters:

• Expulsion doesn't solve the underlying issue
• A new environment may increase biting initially
• Continuity often helps behavior improve
• Work with current teachers who know your child

Long-Term Perspective

Will My Child Be Permanently Affected?

Physical Effects:

• Most bites heal completely
• Scars are rare, usually temporary if they occur
• Infection is uncommon with proper care

Emotional Effects:

• Children are remarkably resilient
• Most don't remember specific incidents
• Your calm response helps them process
• Fear of daycare usually resolves quickly

Will My Child Always Be a Biter?

No. Biting is a developmental phase, not a character trait.

| Reality | Reassurance | |---------|-------------| | Biting peaks 13-24 months | Most children stop before age 3 | | It's not about aggression | It's about communication/development | | It doesn't predict future behavior | No link to later violence or problems | | It ends | With development and appropriate response |

Special Circumstances

Multiple Biters in a Classroom

Sometimes biting becomes "contagious":

• One child bites, others imitate
• Stress in classroom increases overall biting
• May indicate classroom management issues

What to Ask:

• How many children are biting?
• What's the classroom dynamic?
• Are changes being made to environment/routine?
• Is additional support available?

Chronic Biting (Same Child Over Weeks)

Persistent biting may need additional support:

Possible Causes:

• Developmental delay in communication
• Sensory processing differences
• Stress or changes at home
• Inadequate fit with current environment
• Underlying condition needing evaluation

Next Steps:

• Behavior consultation
• Speech/language evaluation
• Occupational therapy assessment
• Developmental pediatrician if concerns

Biting That Breaks Skin

More serious bites require attention:

Medical:

• Clean thoroughly with soap and water
• Watch for infection signs (redness, warmth, pus)
• May need antibiotic ointment
• Rare: may need oral antibiotics
• Tetanus consideration if deep wound

Documentation:

• Photograph the wound
• Keep incident reports
• Document healing process
• Important for patterns and, rarely, legal issues

Frequently Asked Questions

Should I bite my child back to teach them?

No. Biting back doesn't work and teaches that biting is acceptable for adults. It models the exact behavior you're trying to stop, can harm your child, and damages trust. Effective responses are calm, brief, and focus on teaching alternatives—not punishment.

Can the daycare tell me who bit my child?

No, and they shouldn't. Confidentiality protects all families. The biting child is also a toddler engaging in developmentally normal (if unpleasant) behavior. Knowing the name doesn't help and could create conflict between families. Focus on what the daycare is doing to prevent future incidents.

Should a chronic biter be expelled from daycare?

Expulsion should be a last resort. It doesn't address underlying causes, disrupts the child's development, and passes the problem elsewhere. Quality programs exhaust all strategies first. However, if a child is causing significant injury despite extensive intervention, a setting with more individualized attention may be needed.

My 3-year-old is still biting. Is this normal?

Biting after age 3 is less common and may warrant further evaluation. Consider: speech/language assessment (communication delays?), occupational therapy evaluation (sensory needs?), developmental screening (other concerns?), and behavioral consultation. At 3+, children have more language and should have more impulse control.

Why does my child only bite at daycare, not at home?

The daycare environment has unique stressors: more children competing for resources, less individualized attention, transitions, and stimulation. Children also test boundaries with caregivers and may behave differently with parents. It doesn't mean daycare is doing something wrong—it's a different environment.

How many times should biting happen before I worry?

Occasional biting (a few times over weeks/months) is typical for toddlers. Frequent biting (multiple times per week) or persistent biting (continuing over many weeks despite intervention) warrants closer attention. Severe biting (breaking skin regularly) needs immediate intervention. Context matters more than raw numbers.

Will my child be traumatized from being bitten?

Young children are remarkably resilient. Most don't remember specific biting incidents and don't develop lasting fear or trauma. Your calm, reassuring response helps them process the experience. If your child shows prolonged fearfulness or distress about daycare, address it with teachers and consider additional support.

Can I sue the daycare if my child is bitten?

Lawsuits are rarely successful or productive. Biting is a known risk of childcare, and daycares aren't liable for normal childhood behavior unless they were negligent. Negligence would mean: inadequate supervision, failure to follow protocols, not communicating with parents, or allowing repeated injury without intervention.

How do I help my children get along with the child who bit them?

Young children don't hold grudges the way adults do. They'll likely play together again soon. Avoid demonizing the other child. If asked, explain simply: "Sometimes toddlers bite. It's not nice but they're learning." Model forgiveness and moving on. The other child is developing too.

Should I keep my biting toddler home from daycare?

Keeping a child home as punishment doesn't work—toddlers don't connect consequences that far removed from behavior. It also deprives your child of socialization and learning. Stay in close communication with daycare, implement strategies at home, but continue normal attendance unless the daycare requests otherwise.

The Bottom Line

Biting is one of the most stressful aspects of the toddler daycare experience—whether your child is bitten or is the biter. But perspective helps: biting is developmentally normal, extraordinarily common, and temporary.

Key takeaways:

• Biting peaks between 13-24 months and usually resolves by age 3
• It's about development, not aggression or character
• Quality daycares have prevention strategies and respond appropriately
• Both bitten and biting children need support, not punishment
• Your calm response helps your child through this phase
• Communication with daycare is essential for addressing the problem
• It ends—this phase will pass

Focus on working collaboratively with your daycare, supporting your child's communication development, and maintaining perspective. This too shall pass.